Happy Independence

On this, the day of our (well, for Americans) independence, I find myself back at the movies (Wall-E to be specific) and once again blogging during the preshow. I'm flying solo, and enjoying the independence such flights of fancy for one offer. My only regret is that I should have decided earlier in the day that I was going solo rather than expecting my phone to announce a call, text, or email, the person on the other end enquiring about my agenda for today and wanting to hang out. While I did make good use of the hours I kept myself "on standby" I feel foolish for doing so, for convincing myself that I need other people to help me enjoy my day, rather than taking control of it from the start and allowing myself to enjoy the day as it unfolds. Not the first time this has happened, and probably not the last. It is something I know I need to get better at. Even though I recognize that I do it in part because I don't want to miss out on a chance to spend quality time with friends, I also recognize that it's a form of dependence that isn't healthy. I shouldn't feel I need to keep my schedule open in case they change their minds. I should feel comfortable making plans by myself, for myself. I shouldn't feel obligated to change my plans to accommodate a change in theirs. I don't feel any of that just yet, but at least I'm now working on it. It all comes back to reclaiming my time and making the most of it, doing everything from mundane chores to the special treats, like going to the movies. And it's OK to put my own desires, interests, life first. Oops, the show is about to begin, and the lady who just down right beside me smells to high heaven of flowery perfume. We're talking she bathed in it! Be back soon.

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Two hours later, I'm now freezing my ass off on an adventure of total impulse to watch some 4th of July fireworks down by the river. Having never gone to the annual display, I'm not sure I'm even in a spot where I'll be able to see them clearly, but there's a ton of other people gathered here so my hopes are high that we can't all be newbies and staked out a poor viewing locale. Maybe this is just the thing I need to feel more connected and comfortable living here. That is, if I don't freeze to death first. It's getting hard to type on my iPhone as my hand is shivering and my thumb is cramping up. But no pain, no gain, right? And if this adventure turns out to be a bust, at least I can always get in some exercise walking along the river. Wait, what was I talking about before? Oh yeah, independence.

Well, I guess this is me, celebrating my independence while the rest of the nation celebrates its independence, taking time for myself to do something I want to do, for once not looking to others to provide happiness, companionship, validation. And while it would be nice to have someone here to share this moment (or lack thereof if I can't see the fireworks) I remain optimistic that sooner or later I'll find that someone who makes me as much as a priority as I do them. Or maybe I should just get a dog; they're less picky.