Cuntessa is officially bat-shit insane

Ok, more time has passed since the incident and I finally feel that I can write about it without it jinxing things.

Thursday, April 19, marked the day that proved to us just how nuts T-Snake's girlfriend truly is. Here's what happened, as told to me via various sources.

T-Snake was standing by for the start of a school event he was participating in. An event that he was totally excited about. Costumes were involved, so who wouldn't be excited? Minutes before the excite was to begin, he gets a call on his cell from Cuntessa. It seems that her car conveniently got a flat tire and she wanted him to come and put the spare tire on. Mind you, Cuntessa is at times more butch that I and even yours truly has changed a flat tire more times that I'd like to remember. Long setup short, he said no. Cheers to him for not being so completely pussy whipped.

Flash forward to the end of the event, where Cuntessa storms up to T-Snake backstage and demands and apology and that they talk about what happened and "things." I'm guessing "things" means their relationship. And by "relationship" I mean an abomination against all that is right and lovely in the world, because that's what it is. </rant> He says something to the effect of "hells no, I don't want to get into this here and now… I'm having a good time (without you)." Obviously this is not going to go over well with someone of Cuntessa's demeanor and she furiously storms off.

Flash forward, again, to the after party at a local pizza joint. T-Snake and his classmates are having a good ol' time socializing and whatnot when Cuntessa bursts through the doors and, still storming, marches up the T-Snake and demands that they talk about the issue immediately, the fun time he's having be damned. He declines and she flys over a table (seriously!!) and punches him square between the eyes. Jaws drop. Blood flows. Silence falls. She leaves. Holy shit, did that just happen?!

T-Snake got off lucky, his glasses absorbed most of the force otherwise he might have a broken nose to explain to friends and acquaintances. Yes, his glasses. She punched him in his glasses. He did nothing to cause that reaction from her. She's is just that fucked up a person.

When I see him the next day, I ask him why he has Band-Aid™ brand bandages on his face (pulling off an Oscar™ worthy performance) pretending not to know. He recounts some of the incident and I, in faux-disbelief, reply that I'm surprised he didn't press charges and have her arrested for assault. He looks at me with those puppy-dog-naive eyes, a smile growing across his unshaven jaw line, and says, "Really? I can?" Ah, to be that simple-minded again. I'm a little worried as to what will become of him when he is out on his own one day. But I have to give him credit that he rationalized that having her arrested might cause her to go even more mental and do something of pure evil to him in retaliation. Or worse… to the house! I'm pretty sure my insurance doesn't cover acts-of-bitch.

When Carlos asked him if this meant they were "finally" broken up, T-Snake sarcastically replied, "What do you think?" Mind you, it's hard to tell what to think as the previous times they've broken up they've been back in each others arms within a week. So, yeah, we simply weren't sure. Now enough times has passed and it's beginning to look like this time the breakup has stuck for good. Carlos and I are thrilled. A celebratory party is in the planning stages. Fuck you, Cuntessa. We're all better off with you out of our lives.