"Don't cum on me"

So it's just a little after midnight and we're still out on the town. Right now we are at the Imperial Palace Karaoke Club, Hootie is about to get his singing on. We always seem to end up here.

***The rest of the post***

Whoops, looks like I went and hit Publish Post before I had finished writing it. And I'm sure there's more than a few folks out there who are quite confused by the title of this post, especially after reading the first paragraph that did nothing in the way of providing enlightenment.

(As you might be able to tell, I've found semi-usable wifi and am able to type the rest of this post on a physical keyboard, not that the iPhone wasn't holding its own in a pinch.)

OK, let's recap Saturday the 17th picking up at 12:01am still on the town from Friday night. We were hanging out at La Scena at The Venetian, which is where we met up with Basement Boy and his buddy Barry. Basement Boy (BB for short) was actually at Bettyfest with us and we loved him so much that I was so excited when I found out that he'd be joining the festivities this time around. Bettyfest was so off da hook that there was no way that I was going to try to compete on a weekend of that caliber so we sort of just went where the night took us. And that meant hanging out, listening to a crummy band (seriously, the sucked hard), and getting just a wee-bit tipsy from the bevy of beverages. Hooters and I had decided early on that we were going to follow our single alcohol rule, vodka to be specific, but early on it was clear that wasn't going to happen. One thing led to another and suddenly, and this is still a bit hazy, it's like 3-4am and I'm suddenly feeling the effects of mixing alcohols and need to find a bathroom and quick. Stumbling into the mens room I'm soon bowing before the porcelain throne, praying that what comes next will be quick and relatively painless. As I'm waiting to puke my guts out, and for the record, this only makes 3 times in my whole life that I've been sick from drinking, some girls come bursting into the mens room and hunker down in the stall next to mine. One of them is giving the other one tips for surviving the binge drinking they've been doing and that was enough to coax my stomach to relieve its contents. "Atta boy," the advice-giving girl next to me trumpets. Solidarity. Good times. Somehow I managed to escape from getting any on me.

Did I mention before that this is going to be a loooong post? No? Well, you'd better get comfy 'cuz this is going to take a while.

So I stumble out of the bathroom, pretty sure I washed my hands too... I'm white trash, but very sanitary thank you very much. When I get back to the La Scena it's closed and I don't see anyone I know. Hooters, Hootie, BB, and Barry are no where to be found. So, like anyone in my totally wrecked condition would have concluded that they've gone back to the hotel, I trot off in the direction I think the exit to Las Vegas Blvd is. No idea what happened next. All I know for certain is that when I woke between 4-5am, someone (I assumed Hooters) was in the bed next to me and fell back asleep. And this is where it gets a bit ironic, every single one of us ended up going to the restroom within minutes of each other and when everyone came out, they couldn't see anyone else and each tried to find their way home. Hooters ended up walking close to a mile just trying to cross the damn street. Hootie ended up going and playing slots and was nearly taken advantage of by a lady of the night. BB ended up in the basement of his hotel with security threatening to count to three if he didn't leave the basement. Barry was probably the only one of us to make it back safely and with most of his memory intact. During all of this, Hootie and Hooters ended up having a great text conversation, a transcript of which I'll post soon.

Fast forward (your welcome) to 1pm on Saturday afternoon and Hooters and I are just finally waking up. We probably would have slept longer, but the phones kept ringing and ringing. The person on the other end? Howler! And she was hungry. Groggily I picked up the phone to hear "FEED ME!" on the other end. And when you here that, you best do as she says. Hooters and I do our best to pretty our still totally wrecked selves up and head to the MGM for a very late lunch at Wolfgang Puck's Bar & Grill. The food was good but the service was way off. We didn't know whether to laugh or cry when the server suggested just replacing the buns of a incorrectly prepared burger, or when they brought us decaf coffee when the regular stuff was just a few minutes from brewing.

Jumping ahead again finds us at The Flamingo to watch the Second City improv troupe perform. Hootie had the hook up and got us in for practically nothing. I've never seen them perform anywhere before, but I was expecting they'd do more improv with audience interaction rather than so much seemingly scripted material. Don't get me wrong, it was great time and I found my sides hurting by the end. The title of this blog is actually one of the lines from one of their best sketches. We've been repeating it all day, it was just that memorable. And, Rob Belushi, if you happen to be googling yourself and stumble across this blog, I'd just like to add that you are totally hot. TOTALLY hot. We made eye contact a few times during the show and I felt something, some sort of connection... and it couldn't have been from the drinks at the show... they were WAY watered down. So if you'd like to see where our brief visual encounter can go, comment below!

Ok, that's enough of that and it pretty much brings us up to the present at the karaoke club at IP. Hootie had his eye caught by a hot little number that apparently just returned from a tour of duty in Iraq. Let's call him Cockeye (the inspiration for which came from the name of a restaurant at IP). That boy had quite the ripped body, and Hooters was actually able to get him to pose for the camera. (Sorry Cockeye, I'll still take Rob hands down.) And yes, I'll post all the pics that are PVA (post-Vegas approved) this week.

And now I need to get to bed. We fly out on Monday, which is technically the day I'm updating this. See you tomorrow!