Teri, don't let the door hit where you've been split on the way out...

...I wouldn't want the door to get damaged on your jagged manners and overtly protruding sense of entitlement.

To bring you up to speed, my str8 roommate finally grew a pair of balls and broke up with his girlfriend that neither I nor my other roommate can stand. Seriously. We hate her. With the intensity of a thousand suns going supernova at the same time, we hate her. Honestly, he could do a LOT better. And hopefully he will try. We'd settle for someone with common sense, manners, and who knows her place in the world and our pad.

So help me, if he gets back together with her because "she wants to kill herself because she can't live without him" (it's happened before!) I will kick him out of the house. First of all, anyone willing to kill themselves for "love" is stupid and is pretty much disposable at that point I don't care if you are 21 and all that crap. It's survival of the least moronic. And anyone willing to get back into a demented relationship for that same reason is also pretty much disposable; I can find rent money from someone less naive and more self-confident.

On the other hand, if she's all suicidal because she misses that anaconda he's smuggling in his clingy red pajama bottoms—don't judge… all guys notice bulges, it's an instinct, the locations of said noticed bulges just varies by the str8/gay/bi factor—than I might be a bit more understanding of her plight. But not enough to ever allow her into the house again.

The bottom line is that she's gone. Celebrations must be planned. Peanut butter and soy milk, you are safe once again to be consumed by the person that bought you. Eyes, you no longer have to fear of seeing her prance about the domicile practically naked in her fit of self expression. Yes, celebrations must be planned.

Now, any single women out there want to meet an attractive, 25 year old guy who is sweetly naive and packing (what my other roommate and I assume is) some pretty serious heat in the trouser department? Let me know!