What's the big 'deal' with Vegas?

Like what I did with the title? Deal… like in poker… as in gambling… pretty cleaver, huh? Yeah, well, they can't all be funny.

So I'm finally fully recovered from Vegas. Can't say that everyone else who was there is yet. Maybe it's just a case of Vegas withdrawals. The Bettyfest trip was a highlight of my life. That's right, I said LIFE. Ok, so I'm still in my early mid-thrities with my "whole life" ahead of me, but seriously, it's going to be hard to top Friday night at the HOB Foundation Room, followed by a visit to OGs (both down and up stairs) where I helped to change at least one person's life, and then meeting a lovely Scottish groom-to-be named Steven wearing a kilt [NSFW] and black leather corset who let me chomp on his ball gag [NSFW]. Yeah, that was just our first 12 hours in town.

But the real highlight wasn't so much the drinking and debauchery that took place as it was getting to drink and debauch with the people I was with. Being around Betty, Hooters, Whisky, Jack D, Hootie, Q, and the famous Joe Speaker—who, by the way, is like way hotter than anyone has a right to be—was the real jackpot of the trip. It would have to be, because I gave away all of my actual money playing poker, the slot machines, eating amazing food, buying dress shoes (AND a $50 belt that I could have picked up at the local Wal-Mart for a five and change) to get into clubs, and stuffing the crotches of damn hot (yet suspiciously homophobic) male strippers dancers. Bet you thought I was getting all sentimental there with all that jackpot talk, huh. Don't second guess the K-Ray. The sugar high from the box of Tagalongs® I polished off an hour ago has faded and the bitter coldness of reality is setting in again.

Plus we just had an earthquake.

To wrap this up, allow me to share some very important lessons learned in Vegas:
1. Stick to the same liquor the entire time and you can function on barely any sleep
2. Even strippers have standards
3. I finally understand how blinds work in Texas Hold 'Em
4. Hootie can sing like no one's business
5. While life takes Visa apparently Joe will only take off his shirt for American Express

Good times… good times.